Do you have a fiery temper? Do you often find yourself in conflictual situations? Do you often raise your voice or, worse … your fist? Read this article …
Anger is a normal and healthy emotion. It is the signal that something important is happening in your environment. It is essential to listen to it.
When it pushes you into areas where your conduct gets out of control, it’s less safe. For your social relationships, well-being, or self-esteem, persistent outbursts of frustration may have significant repercussions.
The good news is that taking back power isn’t too hard. You will easily learn how to communicate your emotions in a way that is more in line with who you want to be by taking a little time to consider the reasons behind your frustration and with some very realistic resources.
Anger is neither good nor bad. When you believe you have been cheated or the object of an injustice, it is perfectly safe to feel furious. The feeling itself isn’t a problem, and it’s what you do that can make a difference. When it hurts others or yourself, anger becomes a problem.
People with a “hot” temperament sometimes feel that they have little or no possibility of “calming the beast”. This doesn’t seem right. It is possible to learn to express your emotions in a way that does not hurt others. As you clean your room, you will feel better and be more efficient at meeting your needs. An ability that, as a sport, takes some practice is the art of managing your rage. The more you work, the more you’ll be better off. And the effort is worth the game. And the effort is worth the game. You will help create stronger relationships, accomplish your goals, and live a life more consistent with your values by learning to regulate your frustration and express it acceptably.
Myths and Facts About Anger
Myth: I shouldn’t “hold back” my anger. It’s healthy to ventilate it and let it out.
Reality: While it’s true that suppressing or ignoring anger isn’t healthy, venting it, letting it go, isn’t healthy either. Anger is not something you have to aggressively “let out” to avoid exploding … in fact, fits and arguments are just firewood that fuels the fire of anger…
Myth: Anger, aggression, and bullying help me gain respect and get me what I want.
Reality: harassing others does not empower real power. People may fear you, but they won’t respect you if you can’t control yourself or if you can’t stand upset. If you engage politically, people will be more likely to hear you.
Myth: I can’t do it. Anger is something I can’t control.
Reality: You can’t always control the situations you are in and how they affect you; however, You should show your frustration acceptably. You can take your frustration out without engaging in a physical or verbal assault. You can still pick how you will react to them even if someone “pushes your buttons.”
Myth: Anger management is learning to suppress anger.
Reality: Never being angry is not a good thing either … anger is normal, and it will appear even more when you try to suppress it. The anger management strategy that we will develop here is more of a way of becoming aware of the feelings underlying anger and the values that come into play to meet them more healthily and effectively. Rather than suppressing anger, we suggest that you use it constructively.
Myth: it’s someone else who is at the origin of my anger, so, normally, I pick on him.
Reality: Anger is created in you and by you based on who you are, the values that drive you, and the goals you pursue. In the same situation, two people will never react in the same way; one can get angry, the other reacts with indifference. Other people, the world, have nothing to do with your anger. The person who gets angry is you.
Why learn to control anger?
You probably think blowing off steam and letting one’s anger out is healthy, that the people around you are overly sensitive, that your anger is justified, or that rather than being respectable, your act shows your fangs and molests the furniture to get attention. You are probably right. But does it help you move forward in the long term?
You probably think blowing off steam and letting one’s anger out is healthy, that the people around you are overly sensitive, that your anger is justified, or that rather than being respectable, your act shows your fangs and molests the furniture to get attention. You are probably right. However, if you take stock of the short-term and long-term consequences of your anger, you will realize that it has a cost on your relationships, your judgment, the realization of your plans, how you see. And its consequences are far from positive.
The negative impact of anger on physical health
A high level of stress and tension is bad for your health, especially if it is chronic or even constant. Persistent episodes of rage enhance your risk of developing cardiovascular disease, diabetes, high cholesterol levels, a compromised immune system, insomnia, and high blood pressure.
The negative impact of anger on mental health
Chronic anger consumes significant psychological resources, decreases your ability to concentrate and think, as well as your ability to realize yourself. It can lead to stress, depression, and other mental illnesses.
The negative impact of anger on your career
Constructive criticism, differences of point of view, passionate debates are beneficial! Lashing out at your colleagues, superiors, or clients can only alienate them and weaken their respect for you. Wherever you go, a bad reputation could follow you, making your life more and more difficult.
The negative impact of anger on your relationships
Anger punches the relationship contract that binds you to the people you love and often results in your loved ones being estranged. Intense, chronic anger can make those around you not trust you, talk openly, and feel uncomfortable – people around you don’t know what will make you angry or when. Lose control. Explosive anger is particularly damaging to children.
So, yes, you are probably right to get angry … or, to be more realistic, there certainly is a good reason. What do you prefer? To be right or to move forward effectively in life?
Anger Management: Exploring What Is Behind Anger
Anger is linked to your learning story. Situations that make you angry very often echo previous events.
Anger is linked to your learning story. The situations that make you angry very often echo difficult previous events. How you express your anger is also learned. If you grew up in a context where anger is expressed through physical and verbal abuse, you would likely tend to express it that way.
Anger: a secondary emotion. Or when one emotion hides another.
An emotion that is generated as a response to another emotion is a secondary emotion. It is either in reaction to it (being angry with someone who made us feel ashamed) or hiding it (being angry so as not to indulge in sadness). In the first case, it is more of a need that is not met. It is a matter of determining it and taking action in its direction. The second is more emotional avoidance. It is then a matter of learning to make room for the feeling that one is fleeing.
A question to ask yourself would be: are you really angry? Is there nothing else lurking behind as a feeling? Insecurity? Injury? Shame? Vulnerability? Uncomfortable?
Anger is also a primary emotion. However, if it occurs in many situations and you don’t often express other negative emotions, chances are it’s an emotional expression repertoire problem: Anger is the only way you’ve learned to communicate that something is wrong (one would even speak of instrumental emotion if the function of anger is communication). This type of learning is common in families where emotional expression is discouraged.
Some avenues to determine what is behind the anger:
You have difficulty making compromises. Is it hard for you to hear others’ thoughts and comprehend them? Do you find it difficult to cede a point in a debate? Whether you live in a society where the expression of anger was very present and out of control, you would probably remember that the angry person got what they wanted by shouting louder, by being intransigent. Loss can be compared to a loss of strength, and weak points are weak links.
You have difficulty expressing emotions other than anger. Here we come back to the secondary emotion “mask” or the primary emotion “there-is-something-that-won’t-go”.
You take opinions different from your own for aggression. Do you think you’re always right and find it hard to imagine that someone might have a different opinion from yours? So if you have a relatively strong need for control or a sensation of personal fragility that is frequently activated, you may interpret a different opinion as questioning your authority, or even just of yourself, rather than a simple difference of opinion. Views.
Some info on anger:
- We get angry more easily when stressed and when the body is weakened (fatigue, hunger, thirst …).
- For the reasons we think we are, we are rarely angry.
- We are angry when we don’t have what we want.
- We are sometimes angry when we see a character trait in others that we do not support.
- We get angry when current events echo unresolved emotional situations that have long been avoided.
- When a situation shares characteristics with a past situation where we experienced strong anger, anger can be activated.
Anger management: understanding the signals
We sometimes have the impression of exploding with anger, without it having warned of its arrival. However, there are a whole series of physical signals that are linked to anger. Anger is also a physical response. Its fuel is the body’s “fight or flight” system. The angrier you are, the more activated your body is. Being aware of the signs preceding anger is a first step towards controlling it.
The bodily manifestations of anger
- knots in the stomach
- clenched fists and jaw
- a feeling of wetness, heat
- breathing is rapid
- need to walk, to calm down
- See red
- difficulty concentrating
- Heartbeat feeling in the chest
- tension in the shoulders
Identify the thought patterns that trigger or fuel your anger
You may think that other people are triggering your anger or the frustrating situation you find yourself in. You are probably right. Another factor influencing anger is how you interpret what is happening to you. Situation and other people are just contexts in which you will or will not get angry … it will greatly depend on your interpretation.
Anger Management Step Three: Learn How To Calm Yourself
When you recognize the premise of anger, you can act quickly to deal with it before it gets out of hand.
Little tips to calm you down quickly
You are focusing on changing the physical sensation of anger. It may sound counterintuitive, but focusing your attention on how you feel in your body when you are angry can decrease anger’s emotional intensity.
Take a few deep breaths. Slow, deep breathing helps reduce physical tension. Breathe slowly, deeply with your stomach, and fill your lungs with air as much as possible.
Exercise, get tired! Take a brisk walk around the block as a fast workout. You need to do a minimum of exercise so that you feel a little tired. This will increase your endorphin levels, a natural calming and euphoric agent, and you can enter the situation with a cool head. If you do not feel fatigued after your exercise but only physiological activation, start again because you will undoubtedly increase the production of adrenaline, a natural stimulant, but not the production of endorphin (requiring a relatively long effort) help you to maintain your calm.
Please take a peek at the graphics and see what it is about. Take delight in the calming sensations of reading sensation, sight, smell, taste, and hearing. You can picture yourself listening to music in the position of your choosing.
Stretch or massage areas of tension. Roll your shoulders if they are tense, or gently massage your neck or head, or face.
Slowly count to 10. Focus your attention on the count. If you’re still very angry when you’re done, you can start over.
When you start to get frustrated with a situation, could you take a moment to think about it? Ask yourself:
- How important is that?
- Should you get mad about this?
- It is certainly worth it to spend my whole day in misery.
- Is my response appropriate for the situation?
- Is there anything I can do?
- Is it worth my time to engage in problem-solving or anger-solving actions?
Practice empathy and compassion
You are caught up in a discussion that generates tension and nervousness in you. With each sentence of your interlocutor, you prepare to answer, to put forward a new argument. You listen to the sentences, interpret the intentions … you are in words and not in the relationship. You see your interlocutor less as a person than as a problem to be solved: to be right.
Have you ever felt like a problem someone needed to solve? An unpleasant problem, which creates tension, which is irritating. In such a situation, Kentucky Mental Health Care provides many recovery groups, including those focused on DUI, addiction, domestic violence, anxiety, depression, and more.